Reading leads to thinking

Ugh it's 3:30am and I'm sitting here kinda stressed out about work, I hate closing alone. If anything goes wrong it's in me and I don't do we'll with that type of responsibilities. Oh well I guess. So I'm re reading 50 shades for like the fourth time. Why can't like be like a book, everything starts hunky Dorey something major happens and boom happy for the rest if our lives. To bad life is less creative than that. Lets see, nothing major has happened, just busy working 6 to 7 day a weeks like everyone else in the lower middle class. Busting my ass for minimum wage barely making ends meet. Thinking about a baby, mainly because I already know its damn near impossible for me to get pregnant. Maybe that's why I want a baby so bad, because i know its likely to never happen.  Why is it that what we most desire is something we cannot have? Why do I desire long nights of no sleep for months? Why do I welcome the smell of dirty diapers? Because I want a part or him to be mine forever. Because if anything should happen, should he deploy and not come back, half of him will forever be with me, but with my awesome luck in life that is not likely to happen, at least not without drowning in medical bills for fertility treatments. Oh well, life sucks and I got the shirt end I the stuck in both sides of the gene pool.  Ok night time I suppose. Laters